8 signs youre dating a narcissist

8 signs youre dating a narcissist8 signs youre dating a narcissistConfidence is key to any strong relationship, but theres a significant difference between your partener posting the occasional selfie with the caption FeelingMyself and dating a full-blown narcissist.According to Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and Harvard Medical School professor, narcissism is a personality trait found in all humans to some extent and is derived from the drive to feel special, exceptional or unique. However, narcissism exists on a spectrum, Malkin said, and individuals with severe cases that compromise interpersonal relationships likely have narcissistic personality disorder.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreNarcissistic Personality Disorder definedTheMayo Clinic definesnarcissistic personality disorder as a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissism can manifest in a variety of ways, many of which can be detrimental to both your significant other - and yourself - and is often used toveil insecurity and poor self-esteem.While narcissistic behavior can be a cry for help, it can also be incredibly damaging to both your relationship and your own well-being. Before you seek out ways to help your partner or decide to call it quits on your romance, its helpful to know if they are actually exhibiting the signs of narcissistic personality disorder.Signs of Narcissistic Personality DisorderHere are signs your partner may be struggling with narcissistic personality disorder1. They dominate conversationsRelationships are a two-way street, but a narcissistic partner will find any possible way to redirect a conversation back to themselves. Rather than listening attentively, theyre prone to cut you off to share their own perspectives or change the subject altogether in order to shift the focus back on them.2. They are obsessed with appearancesNarcissists are focused on appearances in all sense of the word, from physical looks to perceived success. Is your partner constantly staring at themselves in the mirror or distracted by their reflection while strolling past store windows? Are theyobsessively focused on obtaining flashy work titlesand expensive sports cars regardless of if they reallywantthem? You may have a narcissist on your hands.3. They cant take criticismConstructive criticism is a healthy part of personal growth, be it through a performance review or an honest discussion about your relationship. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder will bristle in the face of criticism, either rejecting and ignoring it altogether, or becoming outwardly angry and hostile. Their elevated sense of self makes it difficult for them to absorb suggestions for improvement, and thus theyre significa ntly less receptive to critical feedback.4. They are empathy impairedMalkin says the key to spotting narcissistic personality disorder is observing the three Es - exploitation, entitlement, and empathy impairment. However, this is different than lacking empathy altogether. Dr. Malkin noted that instead the level of empathy may fluctuate over time, which can be especially challenging in relationships.Itll appear that theyre not motivated, or that they are too preoccupied with their own needs to anzeige empathy, says Malkin. But they have a capacity for empathy and this can make it very confusing if youre in a relationship with them.5. Theyre controllingNarcissists want and demand to be in control, and their sense of entitlement makes it seem logical to them that they should be in control - of everything, wrote Dr. Margalis Fjelstad in anarticle for Mind Body Green. Theymay monitor where youre going, who youre talking to, what youre wearing, etc. Everything you do fits into their pe rsonal narrative to achieve a perceived sense of perfection.6. They act entitled and constantly seek validationA person with narcissistic personality disorder believes they are owed and deserving of everything, regardless of whether theyve truly earned it. As a result, they will often go out of their way to seek praise, but will rarely reciprocate it.A narcissists need for validation is like a funnel, Fjelstad wrote. You pour in positive, supportive words, and they just flow out the other end and are gone. No matter how much you tell narcissists you love them, admire them, or approve of them, they never feel its enough - because deep down they dont believe anyone can love them.7. Theyre addicted to social mediaIn todays social media obsessed world,it can be hard to determine what constitutes a normal amount of, say, Instagram usage. However, a narcissist may post significantly more than the average user, while fixating on the number of likes, talking about it incessantly in convers ation as part of their need for validation.8. They exhibit signs of substance abuse or other mood disordersSome narcissists may self medicate with alcohol or drugsand show symptoms of addiction, which may tell a larger story of the demons theyre battling. Despite demonstrating outsized ego, a narcissistic partner will in some cases exhibit symptoms of other mood disorders, like depression and anxiety.How you can helpSo what do you do if you notice your partner is showing several of these signs? Encourage them to talk to a therapist, who can help them get to the root cause of the narcissistic behavior. A trained mental health professional can also identity ways to reduce narcissism and ultimately help the patient improve their interpersonal relationships.This article originally appeared on Talkspace.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Frank lins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

7 ways to set the right goals for the second half of the year

7 ways to set the right goals for the second half of the year7 ways to set the right goals for the second half of the yearIf you were one of the estimated 3.5 billion people watching the World Cup earlier this month, youll have noticed the importance placed on achieving goals. Outside of soccer though, its a lot easier to redefine your goals and reset them from time to time.Goals narrow your focus, direct your attention, drive behaviors, and allow you to gain momentum, said Beth Linderbaum, managing consultant at Right Management the global career and talent development unit within ManpowerGroup. And it isnt just the big picture goal that makes the biggest difference Having both short and long-term goals can be a guide as you move forward and will make sure you are going in the direction you want to go inWondering how to reignite or reset your own goals? The summer slowdown is a great time to take stock of what is working for you professionally and reset your goal expectations for th e second half of the year. Linderbaum said While goal setting is a proven approach to increasing our ability to achieve results and learn new behaviors, it isnt foolproof. Time and time again people set goals and fail to follow-through. She offered some tips on what to do when you get stuck.It might be time to step back and reflect on the followingWhat are you doing instead?Linderbaum says Often times we are faced with conflicting commitments and we end up spending time and energy on other activities that likely are serving us in some way but maybe not in moving toward this new goal. She believes that just noticing and exploring these competing commitments is a good place to start.Are you working on the few things your babo cares fruchtwein about?Your first priority is to thrill your boss and thats far more likely if you deliver on things that help them achieve their goals, according to Marc Effron, Talent Strategy Group president, entrepreneur, and author of the new book 8 STEPS TO HIGH PERFORMANCE Focus on What You Can Change (Ignore the Rest). Effrom suggests asking your manager directly if your goals are aligned with their priorities. Make sure you have no more than three big priorities to ensure that you can fully focus on whats most critical.Are you trying to do too much?Biting off more than you can chew is a common mistake people make when setting goals, according to Linderbaum. She even has a snappy reminder Remember, goals need to be SMART Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.Have you set your objectives to achieve a good job or to perform brilliantly?High performers measure themselves against what they think the best in their field could achieve according to Effron. For each of your goals, ask yourself what standard (cost, quality, speed) the best person in your field would set for this objective. Your objective shouldnt be to produce good enough work it should be to redefine what great looks like.Do you know where to start?Some times getting started is the hardest part, says Linderbaum. Asking yourself how until you get something you can do the next day is one way of finding an easy first step to take.What one thing could you do differently to ensure you achieve these goals?Effron says A high performer identifies and eliminates barriers to their performance. He suggests asking your boss what one thing you could do more of or less of to be an even better performer in the second half. Create a short, written action plan about how you plan to improve and ask your boss for feedback on it. Worried about what you might hear? Effron says Its your call whether you want to hear advice that will make you more successful or you prefer your boss wonders why you need improvement.Who can be your accountability partner?Linderbaum believes that finding someone that can ask you about progress is a simple trick for keeping yourself on track.Dont worry if you think youve blown your chance. Linderbaum refers to the sunk cost fallacy that affects our decision making. She says Sometimes once we go far down a path, we have a hard time abandoning that path because of all we have already invested. There are times when cutting your losses and moving down a new path might be the better choice, so dont be afraid to revisit and revise your goals if they dont seem to be working for youAnd goooooaaaaaal

Top 5 Reasons You Never Hear Back After Applying For A Job

Top 5 Reasons You Never Hear Back After Applying For A JobTop 5 Reasons You Never Hear Back After Applying For A Job People often wonder why they never hear anything back after they hit send on the email with a resume attached or on the on-line job application. If youre very lucky, you might have a preliminary email exchange with a recruiter and then never hear from them again. Its a depressing experience, and one which also casts a shadow on the hiring companys reputation. So why does it happen? Is it you, is it them, or is it just something every candidate must prepare for in the hiring process?Theres no question job seekers face an uphill climb. High unemployment nationally means more competition for every position according to a January 2012 article in the Wall Street Journal , Starbucks attracted 7.6 mio job applicants over the past 12 months for about 65,000 corporate and retail job openingsAn oft-cited recruiters complaint is that as many as 50 percent of p eople applying for a given job simply arent qualified. Adding to the challenge, most large companies and many smaller ones use talent-management software to screen resumes, weeding out up to 50 percent of applicants before a human even looks at a resume or titel letter. The deck is definitely stacked against the job seeker. So how do you break through?Here are my top 5 reasons youre elend hearing back after applying for a job, with five suggestions for ways to avoid the Resume Black Hole.1. You really arent qualified. If a job description specifies a software developer with 3-5 years of experience and youre a recent graduate with one internship, its unlikely youll get a call. Avoid disappointment dont apply for jobs for which you lack qualifications. Most job descriptions are written with very specific requirements. Yes, the company is trying to find the most qualified candidate yes, they are trying to weed people out. Its not personal, its business.2. You havent keyword-opt imized your resume or application. Job descriptions are salted with keywords specific to the skills or attributes the company seeks in applicants. A close read of the job description is a necessity, as is keyword-optimizing your resume and cover letter, if youre using one, or email. If the job description lists words in a certain order, e.g. a list of programming languages required, use the same order in your resume.3. Your resume isnt formatted properly . You might think distinctive formatting will set your resume apart, but automated programs dont care if a document is pretty. Help a machine out. Be consistent in formatting consider using separate lines for former employer, job title, and years worked.4. Your resume is substantially different from your online profile . LinkedIn, Dice and other online profile sites can be useful tools, so its important to make sure they match whats on your resume. This may seem to be a contradiction in 1 I advised keyword optimization but its r eally common sense. Jobs worked, employers, years on the job and other details should match. The subtext here is always tell the truth .5. The company received 500 resumes for one job posting, and yours was 499 th in . Looking for a job is a job. Do your research know which companies you want to work for, organizations where you sense culture fit. Every morning scour the job postings and jump on anything for which youre qualified (and in which youre interested.) Being early with your resume or application does matter. Check back often in the first few days to make sure the listing hasnt changed. Often a company will post a job and halfway through the process change the description.Its hard to game the system. Your best bet is still a personal referral, and even that may not be enough to get a call. A guy I know gave his resume to a woman who worked at a company where a good job had been posted. He received an automated email noting his resume had been received but never heard another word. After a month he asked his friend to check with the recruiter. It turned out the job description had changed, but the recruiter never bothered to let the referring employee or the applicant know. This isnt unusual, unfortunately. So what can you do?1. Research interesting companies on social media. Find out who the recruiters are and follow them. Many will tweet new postings, so watch their streams and jump on anything for which you are qualified. And if they tweet nachrichten saying the companys had a great quarter, retweet the news with a positive comment.2. Consider starting a blog in your area of interest or expertise. Its a social world time to build a trail of breadcrumbs leading to you. Include the blog, and links to any especially relevant posts, in your emails to recruiters with whom youre working.3. Get professional help with your resume. Either a resume writer or an SEO expert can help you increase your odds of getting through the talent management sof tware. If you cant afford this step, read the top career blogs for advice.4. If at all possible, dont wait until youre out of work to find your next job. I realize for many people this isnt possible or might even be offensive, but your chances of finding the next job are best when youre still employed.5. Network . Old advice, but still true. Be visible, be upbeat, be informed about industry trends and news in your area of expertise.Finding a job is tough, no question. Ive talked to other recruiters who say they only respond to 30 percent of applicants. The odds are good youll be in the 60+ percent who hears nothing a lot of the time. Dont take it personally its not a rejection of you, its a reflection of the times. If you dont hear back, know youre not alone.